Friday, March 25 – evening

New Perspectives: A couple of new things to appreciate this week.

First, this new web site design! My lovely and talented wife Cindy has redesigned my site. Since I will be going through chemotherapy and radiation through the September/October time frame, we thought it would be better to organize it by months. So the current page will always be in the current month. I hope you like it, I certainly do. ;-)

Second, I have come to realize that I may not be back to feeling 100% until the end of this year. I may feel fine, but I am not quite there now, and there is the possibility of side effects from the chemo and radiation over the next seven months. And I’ve accepted that that is okay. As much as I want to have all the energy that I did in the past, to not have the pain I sometimes have, and to not be affected by the upcoming treatments, I see now that that is the way it is, and I will just make the best of it. No need getting frustrated over all this, which would only make it worse. I suspect at times I will be moody and cranky about how I am feeling (check with Cindy; she can tell you!), but these physical things will be part of my life for a while. So I will mitigate them with the medications the doctors give me and with massage, reiki, meditation, prayer and my mind.

The point of all this is to say that if I accept these effects as part of my physical life on a temporary basis, then I can spend mos t of my time in my mental/spiritual life, where I hope to be living at more than 100%.

I will let you all know how this progresses. - John

Oncologist Visit: We went to see Dr. Kerr, our Oncologist, on Thursday. He will be working with us over the next 6 months or so while I go through the post-op chemotherapy and radiation treatments. We’ll be doing 2 months of chemo, 2 months of radiation, then 2 months of chemo. We start this all during the week of April 11th.

The doctor is optimistic about having minimal side effects. We’re reading some information about those effects now, and the likely ones include sun sensitivity (arrrggh! I LOVE laying by the pool), numbness in my fingers and toes, some bladder and bowel effects, tiredness and a super-sensitivity to cold (if I grab something cold from a freezer, I could get an electric shock in my arm!). This will be an interesting learning experience, if nothing else!

A few times I have had the thought: “Is it worth going through all that?” But of course the answer is yes. I believe I am cancer free now. But I am willing to do whatever treatments necessary to have the extra assurance of it never coming back. This is the only time in my life I plan to have had cancer.

By the way, Cindy and I are also incorporating these healing methods, which have already had a great positive affect: reiki, massage, visualization, yoga, meditation, positive energy and thoughts, humor and prayer.

Speaking of Cindy, let me make it clear again: I am BLESSED with her! She is going through this as much as I am and has had her challenges with all of it, too. I cannot thank her enough; I can only love her with all my love, which I do.

John

Tuesday, March 15– morning

Surgeon's Followup Visit: Yesterday we met with Doc Read. The overall message was that I am doing good, and experiencing everything that I should be.

What I'm experiencing falls primarily into two categories: getting tired/worn out and frequency of bathroom trips.

I get worn out when I get up at a fairly normal time and do things (work or things around the apartment) all day without stopping. Or, I've gone up to work a couple of times (I drove myself because I need to get used to that again) and have run errands and then been hit with the tiredness. The feeling I get is just a weariness throughout my body; the best remedy is just to take a nap and do nothing.

It's not really fun to talk about, but the other challenge I'm experiencing is frequency of bathroom trips. Apparently my body is adjusting to having about a foot less of colon to work with. The result is that it's hard to know when I have to go to the bathroom, and, when I go I sometimes am in there for 10-15 minutes. Like I said, not pleasant to discuss socially, but it's a reality of what I'm going through right now.

The good news is that the both of these will get back to normal over time. In fact, I've already seen improvements in both areas lately. As the good Doctor said, it just takes some time; perhaps 6 to 12 months for my body to readjust. So, it is what it is.

I know a lot of you check this site often, so I just wanted you to know that I will be updating the site about twice a week for now. It means a lot to me that you are checking in and sending emails; many thanks.

Take care of yourselves and your loved ones... John

Wednesday, March 9 – morning

Coming up next:

On Monday, 3/14, we meet with Dr. Read, our surgeon, for a follow up to the surgery. Will talk to him about how my physical recovery is going and how to manage any pain and intestinal changes I am going through at that point.

On Thursday, 3/17, we’ll go visit with the Oncologist, to learn about and schedule the upcoming chemotherapy and radiation treatments.

We will keep you posted both before and after those visits... John

Tuesday, March 8 – morning

It’s been several days since I wrote; some reasons for this:

I had a challenging weekend. Starting last Friday, my body started to change the way it was handling food and my healing. I went through some intestinal pain and changes in my frequency of trips to the bathroom that I had to adjust to. I seem to be a bit better today, but I’m still learning about what my body considers to be “normal” now.

We spent the weekend “taking it easy” and being more secluded. We did this in part to handle the changes I described above, but also for me to learn that the doctor and Cindy are right: even though I feel great some days, overall this recovery is going to take it’s own time, and it won’t do any good to rush it; in fact it will undo the good that has already been done.

So, to look at me, you (and I) might think “he looks fine; seems like he should be back to work and getting together with people and doing everything he used to do,” but the truth is that I am still healing and r ecovering. And most importantly, still learning about changing my lifestyle to be a healthier, happier and more balanced one.

But more on that when I update the site in the next few days.

I continue to want and need your support in all the forms that it takes. Thank you all, my friends, family, colleagues and those of you I don’t know, for thinking of me.... John

Thursday, March 3 - evening

Hills and Mountains. It’s not a stretch (okay, maybe a little stretch) to say my recovery is like going up and down a series of hills, on my journey up a large mountain. I know I’m getting metaphorical on you, but hang with me for a few minutes...

Some days I have energy, some days I am tired. Some, I don’t hurt much; other days the cuts in my gut definitely make themselves known. Averaged out, though, my progress is slow and steady "up the mountain." I’ll reach the top when I finish all the chemo and radiation in about 7 months.

So here comes the clever tie-in to some things I’ve experienced the last few days...

I received an email the other day from my friend Ted Meister from California, about a cool mountain climbing experience he had with some friends. This trek was one that challenged him greatly but reinforced in him some valuable life lessons. Ted writes:

"A mountain is the perfect metaphor for life. It's a long, hard climb to the top. Seemingly endless, with many false peaks along the way. Turn around every now and then to marvel at the view of your life; where you've been and what you've accomplished. Then turn back around, and keep going... the next goal, the next peak. Summiting is the final celebration. I love to climb if not merely for the view at the top, but for the satisfaction of another goal accomplished."

It’s a very good read: http://www.tedmeister.net/

Also, I’ve been listening the last day or two to the audiobook, “A Walk in the Woods,” by Bill Bryson, a very entertaining and humorous non-fiction writer. This is his wonderful re-telling of his hike along the Appalachian Trail as an out-of-shape, middle-aged guy along with an even more out-of-shape, middle-aged friend. Just today I listened to him talk about how climbing the trail can be deceiving, because you see a hill, achieve the goal of reaching its crest, only to find more hills that were hidden beyond it. So you have to go through this path of a lot of ups and downs on the ultimate goal of reaching a mountain’s summit.

So, all this is to say that I’m getting better overall. And I’m trying to accept the up and down pace of recovery as it is, and just enjoy the scenery on the way.

See how that metaphor thing works? ;-) ... John

Tuesday, March 1 - morning

Balance: It's frustrating finding the right balance. Despite feeling pretty good, the last 3 days I've been struggling balancing these things:

== PAIN MEDICATION: At first I was taking 2 pills [I didn't choose the red or blue pill, but rather the orange one - do you think that mattered? ;-) ], but was feeling a little sick, loopy and sleepy. Have found that 1 pill every 4 hours keeps the pain at bay while avoiding the weird-headed side effects.

== ACTIVITY: Yesterday I woke at 7am; felt great and did a lot of productive stuff all day long. We went for a walk to Starbucks and to the graveyard across the street. Felt pretty strong all day long, then at 10pm, it all kicked me in the ass. Had a hard time going to sleep and didn't sleep well. Today I am more tired in the A.M. and have had to take a nap already. I'm REALLY not trying to be Superman here; just trying to go with how I feel each day. But, I see I need to pace myself, even when I feel great.

== FOOD: The good doctor ordered a diet that is for now low in fibre and basically soft, bland foods. Don't want anything hard or spicy tearing through my nice, newly redesigned colon, you know? Well, I love mashed potatoes and mac & cheese, but we thought we'd try something more interesting yesterday: BBQ pork. It wasn't very strong barbeque, but obviously the lesson here is to take my time with food, too. I have already developed a new appreciation for the huge variety of tastes that we enjoy in our modern world and look forward to getting back to tasting them soon.

So as I learn a little more about Balance, my friends, I will be able to incorporate that lesson into all that I am learning from this experience as well. Thanks for thinking of me... John