Saturday, May 28 – evening

Chemo #4: I ended my first round of chemo this past week with my 4th treatment. And I begin Radiation therapy around June 6. And...I do chemo again in late summer/early fall.

This round of chemo hit me harder than the others. Not sure why, but I had stronger side effects and more of them this time. I seem to be over most of them as of yesterday, and I feel pretty good considering how I felt on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

The most important thing I want you to know is that when I feel bad, I try to ignore it or push beyond it. But sometimes, I let my tiredness or crankiness or neediness show - especially to Cindy. And although it is understandable that I would do that, I regret doing so with her.

Cindy is amazingly patient with me, selfless and giving, and handles all this amazingly well. She has the stress of worrying about me and putting up with my moods and physical challenges. She does this all wonderfully, and on top of all that, works hard as a freelancer and takes immaculate care of our home.

I know I have written about Cindy here before, and I know I am "gushing" about her now. But I just want everyone to know how unique and beautiful she is, how she is going through all this along with me, and how much I love her. The tears in my eyes as I write this mean something; I think they mean that I can't find the words to say thank you enough to her for all she has done for me.

John

Twelve days: It's been 12 days since I last wrote something here. I have meant to update the site more often. I sometimes feel guilty that I don't do it at least once a week, but I then remember that it has been a new commitment of mine to do fun things and spend more time with Cindy and my friends. That means sometimes when I could have updated the site, Cindy and I were laughing our butts off watching "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" (which I highly recommend to you, too). So, I will go for QUALITY concerning my web site here, instead of QUANTITY.

Health & Treatment Report: I've made it successfully through 3 rounds of chemo now. This coming Monday, 5/23, will be round 4, and will be the last one in this first set. Around June 6th, I start Radiation treatments, which go for 5 days a week for 5 weeks. Will update you when I know a little more about what's involved with those.

I feel like I am handling the chemo treatments very well. They sometimes kick me in the butt, but when they do, I kick right back. Extreme tiredness, some intestinal challenges and that cold-shock thing are the most noticeable side effects. Overall I feel fortunate, as I know that many other people have a harder time with chemotherapy.

Work has been a bit stressful lately. I am working hard to not let that affect me physically, and, I think I am accomplishing that. Our future looks very bright.

Thanks to all of you who support Cindy and me! - John

PS: Thanks, C, for your surprise note below.

Tuesday, May 10– early morning

A Note from Cindy: My friend Ann gave me a CD for my birthday and I just loved the lyrics of this one song that really expresses how i feel about John. The singer is Vienna Teng and the song is Harbor.

Sail Your Sea
Meet Your Storm
All I want is to be your harbor
The Light in me
Will guide you home
All I want is to be your harbor

You've got your journey to make
There's your horizon to chase
So go far beyond where we stand
No matter the distance
I'm holding your hand

I am the one that is truly the lucky one to have this man in my life. - Cindy

Monday, May 9– early morning

Good Days, Challenging Days: It's been a couple of weeks since I've written. I've intended to update the site a couple of times since then, but have either been doing fun stuff on the Good Days or just not feeling like doing anything on the Challenging Days.

The Challenging Days are ones where I either get extremely tired (a weariness like no other I've experienced), or spend a lot of time in the bathroom due to intestinal challenges. Neither one is fun, and I understand that I am not fun to be around at those times. ;-)

The Good Days have been WONDERFUL! It's become clearer to me that it is the most important thing we can do to make time for the people we care about, enjoy the simple things around us; listen to "up" music; watch funny movies, be positive about work challenges, and to believe that I am becoming physically, mentally and spiritually healthier.

Cindy and I have recently spent time walking in our neighborhood, riding bikes, going to Scarborough Faire, watching some favorite TV shows and movies, writing emails to friends, playing with my photography hobby, and just enjoying each other's company. It's not that I didn't do these things before, but I am doing more of them, and balancing that with working long hours, submitting insurance claims and worrying over political and world events.

I encourage you to do the same: make time for the people you love and the things you love to do. Spend less time getting frustrated and more time laughing, feeling good and having fun. Everything else has a way of working itself out for the best when you do.

John, Cindy (and Yang)