Friday, September 30– evening

Tired of Being Tired: The last chemo treatment (#3) hit me harder than the previous ones. It's the cumulative effects of the drugs. The symptoms were stronger, and lasted longer, than before. Overall, I have been tired, and have had more intestinal problems. I had bad headaches (even with a lot of aspirin) for 4 days. Plus a bunch of other smaller side effects that just wear down my body and spirit. I am doing fairly well right now, but some of the symptoms come and go without warning.

So even with the positive effects of all of this chemical treatment, I am tired of it, and tired of not having the energy that I want. However, it will be over soon, and I will get through it with flying colors. I remain positive as every, just a bit weary.

Anniversary! Today, September 30, is Cindy and my wedding anniversary. Five years! It is absolutely wonderful to be celebrating this milestone with this beautiful spirit that is my wife. If you've read this journal from the beginning, you know what we have been through this year as a couple. However, some of you may not know that Cindy and I went through some very tough times as husband and wife a couple of years ago; we almost got divorced.

But, we worked hard to make it work, and even when we weren't sure of the outcome, we stuck with it and came through stronger than before. Then came February 4th, 2005...

So today we celebrated not only our marriage but also the closeness and strength of love that this year's journey has reminded us of. I would not have made it through this without Cindy, the love of my life, my angel and my best friend.

Next: Monday October 3rd has us scheduled for the final treatment. I want to get it beyond me, but will ask the doctor if he can reduce the dose, or, delay it another week. Whatever happens, I would appreciate your energy and prayers again during this treatment. I will let you know how it goes.

Take care of yourselves... John

Hello Friends! It's been about 3 weeks since I last wrote. I would not want you to take that as meaning that anything is physically wrong, or, that I've lost interest in updating my site.

Physically, I would say that I'm "pretty good" overall. During the first two chemo treatments of this last round I have done well. I have an overall lower level of energy, but it's not too severe. And the usual intestinal challenges, but I am managing them. I'm still at work most of the time, and am still blessed by the support and understanding of the wonderful people at InSite.

In terms of the site, I have admittedly wanted to update it sooner, but have spent my extra time in the evenings and on weekends working a bit, relaxing with Cindy, or enjoying our new big-screen TV. Still trying to balance the work and non-work stuff, like I wrote about last time; I'm doing fairly well with that.

One of the greatest joys I continue to have is hearing from many of you by email. It is great to get that support and encouragement and to be able to know what's going on in your lives. THANK YOU so much to those of you who have written!

The last few days Cindy has been in Pittsburgh visiting family, so I have been "home alone." It's been okay to have some time to myself, but I'm ready for that to be over. I have missed Cindy greatly and have been reminded how she is my best friend. We help each other every day and are so much a part of each other it feels like something in my soul is missing when she is gone. I will get to be reunited with my angel again in a few hours; I will be once again whole.

Upcoming Treatments: Tomorrow, Monday the 19th, is the 3rd of the 4 chemo treatments in this last round. Please keep me in your thoughts as I go through this one, and the last one, coming up in October. After that, I will get a CT scan to convince the doctors that I'm all clean (I don't need any convincing, but I guess they do). Then, I will have the port removed from my chest, and will be done with all this. You KNOW that I will be letting you know when that happens!

I send all of you my love and energy... John