Saturday, December 3 – noon

Letter to My Wife

Cindy -

What a year. On January 2nd you stopped smoking. Yay! I was so thankful for that. Then on February 1st we did my colonoscopy. And while I was in a drug-induced stupor, you heard the doctor say the results were “worrisome,” and you saw the concern on his face. Then on Friday, February 4th, after 3 days of uncertainty and worry, we learned the news: I had cancer.

For the next 18 days we dealt with that reality, the uncertainties of the surgery and after effects, and this whole new world of cancer, survival and hope. On February 22nd, I once again put you through a tremendous amount of concern, worry and stress when you had to wait over 7 hours for me to get through what was supposed to be a 4 hour surgery. Then, for 4.5 days you were by my side almost all of the time, sleeping on a couch in my hospital room, helping me recover.

Then we got the next challenge: although the surgery went perfectly, there were traces of cancer in my lymph nodes. This would require chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Once home, you spent the next 6 weeks being my nurse, friend, cheerleader, coach and wonderful wife. You helped me recover slowly but surely from the surgery. And about the time that I was starting to feel more normal from that, we had to get ready for chemo.

First, there was another surgery for the port. And then, the joys of chemotherapy. Two months of that and all the lovely side effects: hair loss, cold shock, diarrhea, weariness. And just when we felt good about getting through that, we had to deal with radiation. Six weeks, every single weekday. Nothing at first, then it hit me like a truck. And we thought that chemo side effects were bad! Ha! I will never wish radiation treatments on anyone. I can’t believe all that you did to take care of me during that very tough time. Let me just say this: if you ever need ANYTHING done for you physically, I will be there to do it for you!

And then once again, two more months of chemo. I was so tired, and tired of it all, by the time it was all over. And finally, getting past this final little concern about my lungs, and getting the port out this week.

You were there through it all. There physically to take care of my bodily needs; there emotionally to help me when I was down; there as a healer to give me your reiki energy; there as a beautiful spirit to help me see the world differently and in a more spiritual manner. You were ALWAYS there for me. Always.

How can I ever say enough “Thank You’s” for all you have done? How can I express in words how much what you did, and what you sacrificed for me, meant? I can’t. I can’t do it with words only. I can only try to show you how much I love you every day. I can only continue to do little things to let you know that you are THE most important person in my life; that you are the person that I have loved like no other, and that you are in my thoughts, prayers and loving energy almost constantly.

You have heard me say this many times: I am the luckiest man alive! I am so fortunate to have you in my life, to be blessed with your love and friendship and spirit. I thank God and Spirit for you every single day.

And now I look forward to taking the next Journey with you: to fulfilling our dreams and passions together for many years to come. I can’t wait to grow old with you; to experience the joy of creativity every day with you; to wake up each morning and go to sleep each night with you, spooning you and holding you close.

I can’t wait to love you even more!

John